You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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