Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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