this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
