Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am one with the molecules
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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