I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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