walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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