i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize