he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Please don't give away my fajitas
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