R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I will die if light touches me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
