bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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