somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize