ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
