dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
