Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
