i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
