Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize