my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
