I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
