Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
