Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
