Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
