I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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