I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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