the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
