it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
