Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
