the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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