nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
