Someone shit on the floor
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
