I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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