Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize