I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had sex on a roof
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
