It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
