When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
