i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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