I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
