She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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