Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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