I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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