Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
