Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
