Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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