dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
