Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(409): View more from Texas

so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.

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(408): View more from California

i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight

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(718): View more from New York

I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

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(541): View more from Oregon

i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

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(702): View more from Nevada

as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....

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(972): View more from Texas

Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.

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(917): View more from New York City

She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.

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