i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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