someone get that fucking seahorse.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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