Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
