It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Please don't give away my fajitas
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
