if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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