She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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