The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
