help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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