He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
