just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
