look no pants
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
