Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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