oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize