9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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