So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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