4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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