I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
