Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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