Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
