I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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