I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Randomize
