Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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