Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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