So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
