I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
