What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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