...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
