the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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