Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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