Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
